Disorder in US Courts

Following are excerpts, from a book called, " Disorder in the American Courts ". These excerpts are of statements, that people actually said in court. These are published " Word-by-word " by court reporters, who had the torment of staying calm, while these exchanges were actually taking place ........

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact ?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks !

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all ?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what way does it affect your memory ?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget ? Can you give us an example of something, that you forgot ?

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, " Where am I, Cathy ? "
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you ?
WITNESS: My name is Susan !

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,he doesn't know about it until the next morning ?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam ?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he ?
WITNESS: Uh ....... he's twenty-one !

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken ?
WITNESS: Are you nuts ?

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right ?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys ?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls ?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney ?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated ?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated ?
WITNESS: Now whose death, do you suppose terminated it ?

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual ?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female ?
WITNESS: Come on ....... you guess !

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney ?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work !

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people ?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to
rephrase that ?

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK ? What school did you go to ?
WITNESS: Oral !

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body ?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time ?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering ....... why I was doing an autopsy on him !

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample ?
WITNESS: Huh ....... are you qualified to ask that question ?

-- And the best for last: ---

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse ?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure ?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing ?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive, when you began the autopsy ?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor ?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar !
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been technically alive, nevertheless ?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been " Technically " alive and " Technically " practicing law !!!